Telephonophobia
by Lady Dudley
Summary: For the-queen-of-candyland and headfilledwithbirds: Pam's relaxing evening doesn't quite go to plan


**A/N: Two of my dear fellow Paric shippers sent me prompts on Tumblr: the-queen-of-candyland asked for some vintage Paric and headfilledwithbirds asked for bath-time!Paric. In honour of the _Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries_ series 2 coming out soon, I decided to combine the two. So this is some bath-time!Paric set in the 1920s. The line about the world exploding is from the _Miss Fisher_ episode 'Cocaine Blues.' Hope you like!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**Telephonophobia **_

Pam absently hummed along to the tune on the record player as she finished piling her hair up on her head, carefully checking in the mirror for any stray strands. Satisfied that it would keep her long hair for becoming wet, she made her way into the bathroom to turn off the taps on the large claw-foot bathtub.

Still humming to herself, she slipped out of her bathrobe and slippers before climbing into the tub. She settled back with a satisfied sigh, reaching for her magazine.

She loved being with Eric and all the parties he'd been taking her to lately, but she also appreciated her creature comforts and she was going to enjoy having a nice relaxing evening all to herself.

Unfortunately, Eric seemed to have other ideas.

_Knock, knock._

Pam shot a dark look in the direction of her bathroom door, wondering if she should be grateful that this time he had to decency to knock.

_Knock, knock._

Pam narrowed her eyes before resolutely turning back to her magazine, maybe if she continued to ignore him he'd get the hint and leave her alone.

_Knock, knock._

Or maybe not.

"I'm not here," she called out, shooting another dark look in the direction of the door.

"Very funny," he called back, "can I come in?"

"Will it make any difference if I say no?" she called back.

The door opened, "Not really," Eric replied easily, striding into the room, carrying a package.

"I'm in the bath," she protested, pouting.

Eric eyed her form with a devilish gleam, "So I see. Would you like someone to scrub your back?"

Pam suppressed a smile, "I was _trying_ to relax."

He smirked, "I'm sure I can help you with that too."

Pam hid her answering smirk by setting her magazine aside, "What's that?" she asked, gesturing towards the package.

Eric looked down at it, having forgotten it was there, "Oh, this?" he looked back up with a smile, "I bought you a telephone."

Pam sat up, unconsciously shifting a little away from the package, "A what?"

Eric gave her an odd look, "A telephone."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Pam gave the package a dubious look, "Are you sure they're safe?"

"Safe?" Eric asked confused, before realisation dawned, "Oh, don't worry, it's not plugged in." He gave her a charming smile, "I won't electrocute you."

"Mother said it was dangerous to put electricity through wires," Pam said primly, ignoring Eric's scoff. "Sooner or later it will come into the contact with the molten centre of the earth," Pam continued seriously, "and will blow up the world."

Eric couldn't help himself, he burst out laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard he had to set the package down and take a seat on the edge of the bath.

He sobered at the look on Pam's face, "I'm sorry," he said, trying to look contrite, "but…Pam, you're a vampire now and you're going to see a _lot_ of new technology being developed. _This_," he continued, patting the top of the package, "is really not that dangerous."

Pam still looked unconvinced, "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well, I suppose you survived the invention of the wheel," she conceded after a long moment.

"Yes, I-" he broke off to glare at her, "I am not _that_ old."

Pam bit her lip to hide her smile at the look on his face as he glowered at her, "Of course not," she agreed.

"You've asked for it now," he told her, standing up and starting to undo his tie.

"What are you doing?" Pam asked, torn between excitement and concern as he kicked his shoes off.

"Joining you," he replied easily, shucking the rest of his clothing and climbing in, ignoring her attempts to keep him out.

"You'll have to catch me first," she retorted, evading his attempt to grab her and disappearing at vampire speed out of the room.

Eric emitted a playful growl as he followed her.

Needless to say, Pam's plans of a nice and relaxing evening were completely thwarted.


End file.
